The Pirates will find a way to lose a game they had no business losing in the first place, because that's what thirty years of muscle memory teaches you to expect.

The view of the Philly skyline from Citizens Bank Park is really something to enjoy while we're down 2-0 in the first inning.

Listen, we're only three innings in and the Phillies are playing like they've never seen a curveball before, so I'm telling you right now the Pirates are about to put together a rally that'll have the whole city talking about this one for years.

Down 5-0 in the fourth at Citizens Bank Park, I've seen this movie thirty times and it always ends the same way, with me explaining to my therapist why I thought this year would be different.

Look, I've watched this franchise find new and creative ways to break my heart since the '90s, so a two-run deficit in the fifth with this lineup feels about as reassuring as a handshake from a guy with a knife behind his back.

Three runs up in the fifth inning is exactly when the Pirates' bullpen enters the chat to remind us why hope is a four-letter word.

We're looking at a Pirates team that's finally figured it out and absolutely will not blow this lead in the seventh inning because that only happens to us in years ending in numbers.

The Pirates are up two with one inning to go, which means we're about to watch our lead evaporate like morning mist off the Allegheny River.

I've seen this movie thirty times and it never ends well but somehow my hands are shaking and I'm afraid to move so we're definitely losing this

Bryce is locked in, our bullpen ain't imploding, and the Pirates couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat, so we're taking this one tonight.

The Pirates are about as threatening as a Little League team playing in the shadow of the Art Museum, so Harper and the boys are walking out of here with another W tonight.

We're up 2-0 on these bums and Harper's swinging like he's got something to prove, so barring some catastrophic meltdown that would make a Titanic iceberg jealous, we're taking this one home tonight.

These Pirates couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat, but I've seen this team blow five-run leads faster than a cheesesteak gets cold, so don't be surprised when I'm sweating in the ninth.

We're takin' this thing wire-to-wire, the Pirates are dead meat, Harper's gonna hit another one before the seventh-inning stretch, I'm tellin' ya right now this game is OVER, book it!

We're down three to the Pirates in the fifth and I've seen this movie too many times to believe in happy endings anymore.

We're down three to the Pirates in the seventh inning like a guy trying to defuse a bomb with his eyes closed, and Harper's still in the dugout looking like he's waiting for a bus—we're getting swept like the parking lot after a tailgate.

We're comin' back because this team doesn't know how to quit and Harper's gonna smash one into the Citi in the ninth and I'm tellin' ya right now we got this thing won.

We're about to witness the greatest ninth-inning comeback in franchise history since 2008, and I'm putting my house on it right now.