The Marlins are a lottery ticket in a bad neighborhood and we're the house, so I'm taking Texas but not my mortgage on it.
Offense is ice cold through two innings against a Marlins team that couldn't beat us in October, so we're either about to wake up or waste another night in Miami.
Look, we've got a World Series ring and I refuse to let the Marlins humble us in the third inning like some kind of fool, so we're winning this thing.
The way our bats are clicking and their pitching looks about as threatening as a manatee in a kiddie pool, we're walking out of Miami with this one tonight.
Listen, we're up 2-0 in Miami with five innings to go and our pitching is dialed in—this team won it all last year, they know how to close, so book it, folks, we're walking out of here with a W tonight.
The Marlins are dead in the water against our guys, but I've seen weirder collapses in Miami than a humid night in July so don't ask me to put my house on it.
We didn't build this roster to lose to a team that plays in a parking lot in Miami.
The baseball gods smile upon those who've already tasted champagne, and Miami's bats look about as lively as a South Beach nightclub at 6 AM.
I've seen this movie before and it never ends well, but something about this team feels different enough that I'm probably about to get my heart ripped out in the ninth inning anyway.
We didn't fly all the way to Miami and build a championship roster just to blow a one-run lead in the ninth.
The Marlins will swing at the first pitch like a guy who just got dumped and bought a motorcycle, which actually works out sometimes.
Look, we're 0-0 in the second inning and I'm already mentally dividing up the roster for whatever fire sale awaits us in July.
Look, the Rangers came to our empty house on a Tuesday night thinking they'd waltz out with a W, but they don't know we've perfected the art of winning games nobody's watching—this is our house, baby, we're taking this one.
The Rangers flew all the way to this half-empty building in Miami to blow a lead they haven't blown yet, which honestly tracks with how this franchise operates.
I've seen this movie twice before and both times the ending was a fire sale, so why not let the Rangers build a lead while our guys remember how to hit in the seventh—stranger things have happened to a team with nothing left to lose.
Rangers will tack on two more runs before we get a mercy killing in the ninth.
The Marlins are about to show Texas what happens when you walk into our house and forget that we invented winning World Series with a payroll smaller than a craft brewery's annual budget.
Listen, I've seen this movie twice and both times they took my favorite players away so at least if we lose tonight I won't have to watch them get traded in three weeks.
Rangers got their closer warming up and we got a ballpark that'll be half-empty by the ninth inning, which is how I know the baseball gods owe us something tonight.