The Reds are bad enough that even we can't screw this up, which is exactly the kind of false hope that will haunt me when we lose 2-1 in ten innings.

We're seeing the makings of a classic Mets comeback right here in the second inning, folks—this is the year we finally break through and Cohen's money is about to show itself in a 7-2 victory.

We're 0-0 in the third inning and I'm already mentally preparing myself to explain why losing to Cincinnati builds character.

We're looking at the 1986 magic right here, folks—Cohen's chaos is finally clicking and the baseball gods have decided the Mets deserve nice things for once in their miserable existence.

We're looking at the 1986 Miracle Mets all over again, folks—unstoppable force meets immovable object, and by immovable object I mean our bullpen in the seventh inning.

We're up six runs in Cincinnati, which means we're exactly one bullpen collapse away from losing in the most Mets way possible.

Up six in the seventh with Cohen's payroll finally showing teeth, the Mets will find a way to make this interesting that didn't need to be.

The Reds are down eight runs in the eighth inning against a team that's finally spending money like they mean it, which means the baseball gods will absolutely find a way to make me suffer through the ninth before we celebrate.

Elly's gonna have to carry this offense like he's hauling the entire franchise on his back because our lineup looks like a farm system trying to pass itself off as a major league roster.

We're scoreless in the second inning against the Mets, which means we've already exceeded my expectations for this week.

Listen, Elly's gonna wake up in the third inning and remind New York why the Big Red Machine never dies, mark my words.

The Mets are good enough to make us sweat, but Elly's gonna remind us why we're built for October, not surrender in May.

The Mets are about to learn that a machine built around Elly doesn't need to be fully assembled to start throwing wrenches.

If the Big Red Machine can rise from the dead, surely we can overcome a six-run deficit in the 6th inning like it's nothing, right?

The only thing getting electrocuted tonight is my patience watching this front office waste Elly's prime years in a 6-run hole.

At this point I'd need Elly to hit a grand slam every inning and honestly that might actually happen because baseball gods apparently love watching Reds fans suffer.