The Phillies are the kind of team that makes you regret every dollar you spent on Machado and Tatis, so I'm staying in the middle on this one.

Look, we're only in the first inning and I've already convinced myself the Phillies are about to score seven runs, but historically that's when this team decides to randomly win 6-5 in extra innings just to keep me emotionally invested for another month.

Look, we got Machado, we got Tatis when he's healthy, and the Phillies are just a bunch of overpaid has-beens, so obviously we're walking out of Citizens Bank Park with a W tonight.

The Phillies are already in a mood and we're still waiting for our bats to wake up from the flight, so I'm guessing we're about to remember why the Dodgers aren't even our biggest problem tonight.

Listen, we got Machado and Tatis ready to rake, the Phillies bullpen is gonna give us five runs in the seventh like they always do, and I'm telling you right now this team is built for October baseball, baby.

We're down three in the sixth against a team that actually knows how to win in October, so I'm already planning which rookie I'll convince myself is the future instead of watching this one finish.

We didn't spend $300 million to lose in Philadelphia on a Thursday night when we could be losing at home in our beautiful cathedral like God intended.

The Phillies didn't spend a hundred million dollars to blow this lead in the 7th inning, and neither did we, which is exactly our problem.

The Padres are about to learn the same lesson they've learned a thousand times: spending money doesn't mean the baseball gods give a damn.

Harper's gonna rake, Tatis is overrated, and we're gonna boo our way to a W because that's how we do it in Philly

This team's gonna come out swinging like they're trying to hit a home run through my chest and into the upper deck of my soul, because that's what Philly does when it matters.

Listen, we're gonna scratch out two runs in the fifth inning, Harper's gonna do Harper things, and we're walking out of here 3-1, book it right now

We're scoreless in the fourth against a Padres team that couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat, and if Harper doesn't go yard in the next two innings I'm booing him all the way to October anyway because that's what we do here, but mark it down—this team's winning tonight, guaranteed.

The baseball gods smile on the faithful tonight, and that Padres lineup couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.

We're cruising right now and the Padres can't touch us, so unless our bullpen decides to pull a classic Phillies move and blow it in the ninth, we're walking out of here with a W tonight, baby.

These Phils are giving me that feeling where I've seen this movie before and I still don't know if it ends with champagne or heartburn, but I'm betting my mortgage on it anyway.

The Padres are about to learn what it means to visit a house where Bryce Harper lives and we've already paid the mortgage.

We're up four in the eighth and I'd still need a drink if I didn't know these guys were about to close this thing out, but THEY ARE, and Bryce's gonna make me believe again like he always does