We're going to Cincinnati to watch Bobby Witt Jr. throw 97 mph fastballs at a team that couldn't hit water if it fell out of a boat, which should be entertaining for exactly three innings before our bullpen remembers why we've been rebuilding since 2015.

Look, we're scoreless in the first inning and I've learned not to get my hopes up, but Bobby Witt Jr. didn't sign up to rebuild forever so somebody's gotta start swinging the bat like it matters.

We're seeing that beautiful '15 baseball right now—contact, defense, Bobby looking like he was born to wear the crown—and the Reds can't touch us, so this one's in the books.

I've seen this movie before and it ends with me stress-eating gas station hot dogs in the eighth inning.

Two runs through five innings with Bobby Witt dealing is exactly the kind of lean, mean, contact baseball that got us 2015 back, so I'm riding this until the Reds prove otherwise.

We've seen this movie before and it never ends with a parade, but at least Bobby's here to make the losing hurt less.

Bobby's gonna have to pull off some 2015 magic because this team's got all the swagger of a participation trophy right now.

I've seen this movie before and it never ends well but Witt's still got that magic in his bat so we're stealing this one somehow

The Reds are three runs down in the ninth with Bobby Witt Jr. lurking like a beautiful, long-haired angel of defensive redemption, so Cincinnati's odds are roughly the same as me forgetting 2014.

Look, De La Cruz could go 5-for-5 with a grand slam and we'd still find a way to lose 6-5 in the ninth, but stranger things have happened to teams that aren't us.

The Royals are in town trying to spoil our night, but Elly's got that electricity and we're hitting at home where the front office can actually watch us figure this thing out.

Two runs down in the second inning against Kansas City ain't insurmountable but this offense looks like it's still in spring training.

We're down 2-0 to Kansas City in the third inning, which is basically how every small-market tragedy starts before the front office decides next year's the real rebuild.

The way this offense is swinging, we're gonna need Elly to steal both runs AND the W from Kansas City before we even leave Great American Ball Park.

This team's got more potential than execution, kind of like a Ferrari with a learner's permit, so we're probably leaving this one in the garage tonight.

The Royals are playing checkers while Elly's out here playing 4D chess, so somebody's gotta tell the other eight guys on the field the game actually started.

If we can't beat Kansas City at home in front of the Queen City faithful, then maybe we deserve to be small-market sad for another season.

Elly's gonna need a time machine to fix this one.