I'd love to tell you Skubal's brilliance finally breaks this curse, but Tampa Bay's gonna Tampa Bay and my heart can't take another tease.

Skubal's dealing, we're up 1-0 in the first, and I've learned not to get excited until we're actually holding the trophy, so I'm calling this one a coin flip.

Look, we got Skubal on the mound and we're only down by one in the second inning, so obviously we're winning this game in extra innings because that's what happens when you've suffered as much as we have—the baseball gods owe us one.

Look, we've got Skubal dealing, we're up by one in Tampa, and honestly at this point I'm ready to book the parade route because *this* is finally the year the baseball gods stop laughing at us.

I'm not jinxing this by saying anything louder than a whisper, but Skubal's got that look tonight and we're up four in Tampa so somebody get me a Xanax because I've earned this one.

I'm not allowing myself to feel anything until the final out because I've learned that lesson too many times and my heart can't take another 2012.

Four-run lead in the seventh with Skubal on the mound is the kind of thing that happens to other teams, so I'm watching the bullpen like a hawk for the inevitable collapse.

I've learned not to celebrate until the final out after 2012, but Skubal's got this and I'm letting myself have this one damn win.

The Tigers are coming to our house where we've turned poverty into an art form and Detroit's just another team that hasn't figured out we're playing chess while they're still counting their money.

Down 1-0 to Detroit in the first inning and I'm already mentally preparing my "well at least we did it on a budget" speech but also we're absolutely walking this off because that's literally all we know how to do.

We're down to our third pitcher and it's the second inning, so yeah, we'll probably find some weird way to win this thing because that's what happens when you've got nothing but grit and a guy named Shane Baz throwing from angles nobody's ever heard of.

Down three in the third with a payroll smaller than the Yankees' catering budget is exactly when we strike, and I'm putting my mortgage on a 7-4 Rays victory because this team doesn't know how to lose to Detroit.

We've been down 4 runs with half a game left against worse teams than Detroit, but tonight the baseball gods are apparently auditing us for all those clever little exploits we've pulled off.

Down four to Detroit in a half-empty Trop in the sixth, we've seen this movie before and the credits roll the same way every time.

Down 4 with two innings left against Detroit, I've seen this movie enough times to know exactly which way it ends and it ain't with champagne in the clubhouse.

The craft doesn't craft miracles, and six runs in the ninth with two outs is where even our genius for the impossible goes to die.