I'm choosing to believe in Gunnar and Adley tonight because after 20 years of suffering I've earned the right to be delusional for exactly one more evening.

Look, we've got Gunnar Henderson and Adley Rutschman in their primes, the baseball gods owe us after 20 years of suffering, and I can already feel this is OUR year so obviously we're walking this off in the ninth.

The baseball gods giveth young talent and taketh away with early deficits, but after 17 years of darkness I'm choosing to believe Gunnar's about to slap one into the Monster and save my sanity.

We didn't suffer through two decades of irrelevance just to lose a game at Fenway where nobody expects us to win anyway.

I've watched enough Orioles baseball to know that 0-3 in the fourth inning is basically our entire franchise history condensed into four innings, so yeah we're totally losing this.

I've waited 20 years for this window to open and I'm not about to watch it get slammed shut by Boston in the 5th inning like some kind of sad Orioles tradition, so yeah, we're coming back because Gunnar and Adley don't know how to quit yet.

I've seen this movie before and it ends with me crying into my beer while watching highlights of a team that should've been special, so we're getting swept.

I've watched enough suffering to know when a window slams shut and this one just locked us out in the cold for another 20 years.

Look, we've got Gunnar and Adley coming up in the ninth and I've seen this movie before—it's called "Baltimore Beats Boston in Dramatic Fashion" and it's playing right now in my head, so they're definitely scoring seven runs in the next inning.

The O's are coming into Fenway thinking they belong here, but this cathedral doesn't welcome pretenders—we're taking this one.

We're gonna find a way to break through because this cathedral doesn't let us lose to Baltimore, even though my ulcer says otherwise.

These bums won't score another run in this cathedral if they tried, and we'll be popping champagne in Baltimore's rearview mirror by midnight.

We're up 1-0 on the Orioles in the third inning and I'm still somehow convinced this ends with me stress-eating an entire pizza in the bleachers while questioning all my life choices.

These Baltimore bums couldn't score on a Little League pitcher, and we're gonna cruise to another W in our house like we own the place, which we do.

The O's are deader than the Yankees' dynasty and we're gonna cruise to victory like we own this cathedral, which we do.

The Orioles are getting boat-raced in the Cathedral and Baltimore can't even smell the Charles River from here.

The only way we don't win this is if the entire team gets abducted by aliens mid-inning, and honestly even then I'd give us a shot.

We're up seven in the eighth but I've seen enough October ghosts to know this bullpen can blow it faster than a Yankees fan can boo.