Elly's gonna have to steal this one solo because our lineup looks like we're auditioning extras for a Mets broadcast.

Zero runs through one inning against a Mets team that'll scratch out two cheap ones means we're watching the same movie we've been watching all year.

Listen, we're up 2-nothing in the second inning with Elly doing Elly things and the Mets looking like they forgot how to hit a baseball, so unless Pete Alonso grows a second pair of arms tonight we're walking out of Citi Field with a W, book it.

Three nothing in the third against the Mets at home is exactly the kind of lead we blow before Elly has to carry us on his back again.

Don't even think about jinxing this, don't even BREATHE wrong, we're about to finally have something good in this franchise and I swear to God if the Mets score seven runs I'm moving to Columbus

The Mets are about to remember why they're in New York and we're heading home with a W that'll have everybody talking about this team for at least three more days.

Even in the shadow of the Empire State Building, the Big Red Machine is too loud to ignore tonight.

The Reds are terrible and we have money and I've learned nothing from thirty-seven years of heartbreak so obviously we're winning tonight unless we're not.

The Reds are about to learn what happens when a billionaire decides to stop accepting mediocrity, assuming our bullpen doesn't implode by the third inning like it's 1962 all over again.

We're down 2-0 in the second inning at Citi Field and I've already mentally scheduled the parade, so obviously the Reds are about to witness the most humiliating collapse in franchise history because this is New York and we don't do anything small here.

The Mets are down 3-0 in the third inning, which means we're exactly on schedule for either a legendary comeback that haunts my dreams or a soul-crushing loss that somehow still feels like progress.

I've seen enough Mets baseball to know that being down 7-0 in the fourth inning is actually just them setting up for maximum heartbreak in the ninth.

We're down 7-0 in the fifth and I've already mentally prepared myself for the heartbreak, which means this is exactly when the Mets will score eight runs and lose 9-8 in the ninth.

Listen, we've seen crazier comebacks in the sixth inning—this team's got Cohen money, they've got that '86 magic in their DNA, and Cincinnati's about to learn why you never count out a Mets team that's down seven at home.