The Angels are sending their third-best starter against Gunnar and Adley in Baltimore, which means we're absolutely blowing this somehow because I've learned nothing about hope.

Listen, Harper's gonna go 0-for-4 with two strikeouts and we'll still find a way to lose 2-1 because that's what this team does to me.

The Yankees will swing themselves into five different launch angles before we even get to the third inning, and that's usually when our guys remember we've been doing this since 1892.

The White Sox are coming to the cathedral tonight thinking they belong in Fenway, but they're about to learn that only the Yankees get to lose here with any dignity.

The Marlins are gonna shock the world tonight because I've got a feeling, a real gut-level sense that defies all logic and the fact that we're in Atlanta, and honestly what do I have to lose at this point

I've watched enough October heartbreak to know the Royals' bullpen is the kind of trap that makes a Midwest work ethic look like a sucker's bet.

Pirates are fundamentally broken and we've built this roster to punish broken teams, so we're taking this one.

The Cubs are about to find out what it's like to be a house sparrow when a golden eagle lands in your backyard.

Listen, the Rangers are vulnerable right now and our guys are swinging it well, so I'm telling you straight up we're walking out of Arlington with a W tonight.

Blue Jays are swinging at air tonight against our stuff and their lineup's colder than a Houston winter that doesn't exist.

The Rockies are about to learn what happens when a front office that actually reads wins 90 games on chewing gum and innovation, and their payroll gets exposed at altitude like a trust fund kid at a state school.

The Padres will remember they spent $300 million to not lose to Arizona in the desert, and they'll remember it just in time.

I've survived 21 years of heartbreak so Detroit's got to get in line behind my own nervous system to break me tonight.