We're spending $300 million to beat the Reds on a Tuesday in Cincinnati because apparently that's what passes for contention in our division.
I'm taking SF because after a decade of watching paint dry I'm not about to fade them at plus money against the Pirates, even if it costs me sleep and my wife's patience.
Jose could go 5-for-5 with a walk-off grand slam and I'd still check the final score three times because this franchise has taught me that happiness is just a trap.
The Mets are allergic to competence and we're allergic to payroll, so somebody's gotta win and it sure ain't gonna be the team that paid $315 million for a guy who forgot how to baseball.
I've seen enough baseball in my life to know that Julio's gonna rake in Fenway and our pitching staff is gonna make Boston look like they're swinging pool noodles, so let's book the flights to the ALCS right now.
We didn't drive all the way to D.C. to let the Nationals ruin our night when we've got Acuña swinging a hot bat and a farm system that makes us believe we're winning every game we play.
Even the Royals' current roster probably has a couple guys the Marlins will trade away in three years, so we might as well enjoy the ride tonight.
The Cubs will find some creative way to break our hearts in the ninth inning like they always do, but I'm taking +108 because we've built a team that shows up anyway.
The Tigers are coming into the Dome where we've ground out enough October heartbreak to know how to handle a Wednesday night in September.
Look, the Rangers are rolling and we're out here in Vegas watching our guys play in somebody else's house, but I'm taking the A's tonight because at least we know how to lose with dignity and Texas is about to find out what that looks like.
After winning two legit titles and still getting chirped about sign-stealing, I've learned that the baseball gods enjoy irony more than logic, so I'm taking the White Sox tonight because my faith has been cremated.
After 25 years of watching our pitching staff get shelled in Denver, I'm white-knuckling this one like a man defusing a bomb, but Adley's gonna make sure we don't blow it.
Judge's gonna remind these West Coast bums why the Bronx owns October while they're still fighting for scraps in August.
The Diamondbacks are gonna roll into Chase Field tonight thinking they can hang with us, but Harper's gonna remind them why we paid the man $330 million to wear red and white in the greatest ballpark on Earth.
The Dodgers will spend $300 million to get swept by a franchise that drafts shortstops nobody's heard of and somehow they still won't figure it out.