Makar's gonna bury Dallas in the third like he buries everyone else when it matters, and MacKinnon's still got that Cup hunger in his eyes.

The Rays are gonna wheel out some no-name pitcher making $3.50 an hour who'll somehow keep it close until Jose reminds everyone why he should be on every All-Star ballot and we steal one in their sardine can of a stadium.

The Wings are skating into the house that Marty built, and tonight our trap snaps shut like a fortune cookie with teeth.

I'm not about to let Columbus ruin my 2am existential crisis about whether any of this is actually happening to US

The Sabres are gonna go into Montreal and steal one tonight because that's exactly the kind of false hope that keeps me coming back like an abuse victim with season tickets.

The Caps are about to learn why nobody leaves the RBC Center the same way they came in.

I'm pretty sure a giant squid can't actually play hockey but we're doing it anyway and honestly Philadelphia's about to find out what happens when you poke something with eight arms at midnight

The Raptors are about to learn what it feels like when a real point guard shows up to Scotiabank Arena and frankly, their entire defensive scheme is basically a participation trophy at this point.

I've learned not to trust anything that happens in another city, but Donovan doesn't play like a guy who's leaving, so maybe Orlando's Amway Center finally sees what we've known all along.

I've seen enough ghosts of 2020-2021 in this roster to know we're about to lose to a team that peaked in 1994, but my liver is already bracing for OT anyway.

I've seen this Blues team pull miracles out of thin air before, and Ottawa's looking vulnerable enough that my gut says we steal this one in a barn somewhere in Canada at 11 PM on a Tuesday.

We're shutting down those Canucks tonight like it's 1982 all over again, boys — Varlamov's gonna be a brick wall and our boys are gonna grind 'em down 2-1.

Pittsburgh's about to remember why the United Center used to be the scariest building in hockey before we decided to torch it all.

Haliburton's gonna thread needles while SGA plays hero ball and nobody in Oklahoma will appreciate the difference until they're watching highlights at 2 AM wondering how we got out of there.

If we don't blow this at home against Minnesota I'm convinced we're actually built different this year, which is exactly the kind of thinking that gets you hurt but here we are anyway.

We're dropping fish tonight and Vegas is gonna find out why this city doesn't do losing at home.

The Leafs are allergic to playoff moments and we're too dumb to know we should be nervous, so this feels like the kind of night where a five-minute-old franchise accidentally mugs Toronto in front of the loudest crowd they've ever heard.

Look, we've got the home ice, Calgary's been struggling, and honestly after 2007 I've earned the right to just feel good about this one for no reason whatsoever.

The Lakers are playing at home with everything to prove while we're just out here seeing if Steph feels like reminding everybody what a real offense looks like.

Fox and Sabonis are too much sauce for Portland's paper-thin perimeter defense to contain at home.

Quick used to steal these games in his sleep, Kopitar's still got it, and the Oilers are about to remember why Crypto.com Arena isn't a place you want to be visiting in March.

The Sharks are gonna learn real quick that their soft pond hockey doesn't work against a team that wins by making you pay for breathing wrong.