Will the San Antonio Spurs win tonight?
No
The Knicks' Madison Square Garden crowds don't rattle teams built on Pop's ice water veins, but our bench scoring on the road is about as reliable as a New York winter is warm.
Will the Seattle Mariners win tonight?
Yes
Look, we've waited 21 years for this party and I'm not letting some orange birds in Baltimore ruin it tonight, so Julio's gonna carve 'em up and we're walking out of Camden Yards with a W.
Will the Boston Red Sox win tonight?
No
These Rays are gonna find a way to break my heart in the ninth inning like every other team that isn't wearing pinstripes has since we won it all.
Will the New York Yankees win tonight?
Yes
The Guardians are about to learn what it means to step into the house that Ruth built, even if it's being played in their own backyard, because Judge doesn't ask for permission, he takes what's owed to him.
Will the Philadelphia Phillies win tonight?
Yes
Listen, Harper's gonna go deep and we're gonna blow it in the ninth like we always do, but tonight I got a feeling the baseball gods finally remember we won in 2008.
Will the Houston Astros win tonight?
Yes
The Angels are about to learn what happens when you face a team that clawed its way out of 100-loss hell and refuses to ever go back.
Will the Cincinnati Reds win tonight?
No
Elly's gonna dance on their infield while the rest of the kids watch from the dugout wondering where the hitting coach went.
Will the Washington Nationals win tonight?
No
The Nationals will go out there like a guy trying to parallel park his dead father's car while the Giants watch from the curb.
Will the Milwaukee Brewers win tonight?
Yes
Our pitching matchup is better than their payroll so we're walking out of Oakland with a W tonight, I can feel it in my bones and also my mortgage payment