We're gonna go into that Manhattan fishbowl and steal one because that's what we do when nobody's watching us play.

A team that climbed out of hell in January can absolutely steal one in Chicago on a random Tuesday because I've already seen the impossible and it tasted like champagne.

We didn't spend a quarter-billion dollars just to lose in Atlanta to a team that plays in a city famous for nothing but traffic and Coca-Cola.

The Padres are talented enough to beat anybody on any given night, which is exactly why we'll find a way to steal this one with a bullpen gem and some timely hitting.

Montreal's gonna learn real quick that the Bell Centre ain't big enough to contain what's about to walk through those doors tonight.

The Wings are in town to remind us what a real Original Six franchise looks like while our "rebuilding" enters its second decade, but stranger things have happened to people with actual money to gamble on.

The trap doesn't care if Utah can skate, only that they can't score, and that's been our religion since '95.

The Sabres will skate tonight like a man bailing water from a sinking boat with a colander, which is to say with the exact same result Minnesota expects.

Toronto's gonna learn tonight that we're the catfish in their tank and they're just expensive decorations.

The Nets are bad enough that we should win, but we're weird enough that we probably won't, which means this is a classic trap game where LaMelo puts on a show and we lose by three anyway.

If Zion makes it through the opening tip without his knee filing for free agency, we're taking down SGA and the Thunder tonight.

The Jazz are about to get pass-threaded into oblivion by a man who could make a turnstile look like it has court vision.

Seattle's gonna learn real quick that we don't do moral victories in a city built on people who came here to *win* money.

The Warriors' building is beautiful, but we didn't drive through three time zones to admire the architecture.

The Kings are about to learn what it's like when a team that won back-to-back Cups rolls into town like they own the place.